praying for a miracle

5:00 a.m. March 4, 2014. 15 weeks and 6 days pregnant i wake up and realize there is a problem. I knew from the beginning that this pregnancy would be high risk but thought any complications would come much later. my water had broken a day short of 16 weeks. I made arrangements as quickly as i could for my 3 boys to get to school and asked my mom to drive my 2 girls and i over to get checked out. The on call doctor told me to come into the specialty office rather than the ER because they would have a better idea of how to handle things and get me in a lot faster. once i got into the exam room the nurse did a quick ultrasound in the room and found that the baby still had fluid and a nice strong heartbeat. everything was looking good. she did a test strip to check for amniotic fluid which showed up negative. the doctor did an exam and found i had a some fluid and blood pooling outside the cervix. still could not confirm for certain whether my water had broken but was concerned with how things were looking. my blood pressure was low and i had a very slight fever. they did a cbc to check if my blood could tell them anything. my white blood count came back high. they took me from there over to the ultrasound room and the doctor started the ultrasound and then left to get an ultrasound tech to help finish things up. although the baby was looking good things were still not seeming quite right and the doctor was afraid the baby might have an infection in which case they would have to induce labor or i would get extremely sick and they could lose both of us. while doing the ultrasound they also found that my cervix was funneling and measuring 1.1cm when it should be over 3cm. we decided to let the doctor pull out some fluid through an amniocentesis for testing and at the same time put some blue dye in with the baby so we could find out for sure if my water had broken. they had me put in a tampon and said if it turned blue then i was definitely leaking. the doctor decided he wanted to keep me over night for observations, to wait for test results and to discuss a plan for handling the short cervix. they brought a wheelchair and transported me to the hospital. once i got settled in i had my mom bring my girls back to my hometown so she could connect them with my husband after he got off work and tried to relax as much as i could while waiting anxiously for results. they checked vitals and had me do a urine sample (which was green and concerned me even more because that means it had blue dye in it). when the doctor finally came in he told me that was normal whether the water broke or not and to expect blue/green urine for the next couple days. he told me that the amnio results came back good showing that the baby did not have an infection at that time. the next question to be answered was whether my water had actually broken or not so they had me take out the tampon with hopes that it would still be white and found that it was definitely blue indicating my water broke. he informed me that the baby had less than a 1% chance of making it to a point where it could survive and even if we make it to that point there is a high risk that the baby will have permanent problems or the lungs may not ever even develop and i would most likely go into labor within 24-48 hours or i could have them induce labor if i wanted but because the baby didn't have an infection they were willing to let me continue naturally and see what happened. i was determined to do whatever i could to give my baby the best chance possible even though the odds are against us. the doctor told me that it would be a miracle if i make it to 24 weeks but if i could get there they would admit me to the hospital for the rest of my pregnancy. the first night was incredibly stressful. i began having a lot of pain and cramping but managed to go to sleep for maybe an hour before they came to check on me at midnight. my blood pressure was very low but my temperature wasn't too high. i tried to go back to sleep but the cramping got more severe and i began having contractions. after awhile i went to the bathroom and called the nurse in to see if they could do anything that might help. she offered me Tylenol to help with the pain and told me that my body was probably getting ready to let the baby come out. i asked if she could bring in a Doppler and see if we could listen to the baby and i could record the heartbeat if we could find it. she tried to use the machine in the room but it wouldn't pick the baby up so she went for another machine which immediately found the heartbeat. it was fast but still beating strong. i asked for some hot packs to help with the pain because i don't like taking medications and they couldn't give me anything to stop the contractions i was having anyway. i put a hot pack on my back and laid in bed crying and praying knowing that may baby was still alive and i couldn't give up all hope yet. the pain stayed severe for awhile but i began to feel small breaks  in the pain and decided to try to sleep once the pain became less severe. i managed to fall back asleep between 3 and 4 am and slept until the lady from the lab came to do another blood draw at 6. i woke up with no cramping or contractions, my blood pressure was still slightly low but was closer to normal. i asked to listen to the baby again and found that the babies heart rate was back to normal. i went to the bathroom and then right back to laying down. i was still leaking fluid but things were looking much better than a few hours before. I'd made it past the 24 hour mark!! when the doctor came in i reported on how the night went and he informed me that my white count was still high but not quite as high as the morning before and that he would continue to monitor me. he decided that because of how rough my night was he wanted to keep me overnight again because he was fairly certain if he sent me home I'd be right back. i spent the day trying my best to relax, only getting up to use the bathroom and drinking lots of fluids. the day went well and i had few cramps. the nurse let me know that if i would push my call button throughout the night when i went to the bathroom she wouldn't have to come wake me up in between times to check vitals because she would come take care of it while i was up anyway. before going to sleep i noticed i had some bleeding which was concerning to me but i managed to get a good amount of sleep. i continued to bleed but it was not heavy at all and mostly just when i went to the bathroom. they drew more blood and when the doctor came in to talk to me he said that things were looking good, my white blood count was still high but had again gone down just slightly and i should be able to go home that day but he wanted to keep me till evening because the nurses were concerned that my temperature was back up to 99. i was feeling pretty good and had passed the 48 hour mark that everyone thought I'd go into labor before! i spent the day relaxing and making whatever arrangements i could to simplify my life once i got home. they have someone who does massages in the unit i was in on Thursdays so she came and asked if i would like a massage. after laying in a hospital bed for a couple days i decided that sounded like something i could really use. i told her if i make it back at 24 weeks I'll be sure to tell them to put my name on the list for every week. i asked my husband to pick up a small refrigerator and microwave as well as disposable dishes i could keep by the couch so i wouldn't have to go to the kitchen to take care of breakfast and lunch for my 2 year old and i when no one else was home. i asked the nurses about getting a chair for the bathtub since the bench in the shower at the hospital was quite handy when I'm avoiding being on my feet so they made arrangements for me to have a seat for my showers at home. they finally released me about 5PM and my dad brought me home where i spent the rest of the evening on the couch. The kids were all very excited to see me back home and my husband had worked to get things ready for me to be back and make sure I'd have things set up. after spending 3 days and 2 nights in a hospital bed my bed was SO comfortable and i managed to get a really good night sleep my first night back. my mom came in the morning to take my preschooler to school and was in and out throughout the day helping and checking up on me for my first full day back home until my husband could get off work. it's obvious there will be a lot of adjusting that needs done for all of us but we'll be taking things one day at a time and praying for a miracle. I go back to the doctor at 17 weeks for an ultrasound and to discuss how things are going and am planning on weekly visits until i hit 24 weeks. almost through my second full day home and things are going well :)